Happy family sitting together

In This Article

Anytime you are trying your best to repair your marriage, you might consider a number of different approaches to find out what will work for your relationship. Something you may not have heard of is the 3×3 rule in marriage, which could improve your marriage in a short amount of time.

Please keep reading for a look at this concept and how to utilize it.

What is the 3×3 rule in marriage?

In general terms, the 3×3 rule in marriage indicates that each person in the relationship should get 3 hours of quality time alone with their spouse and 3 hours of alone time by themself.

You can try this technique when you aren’t getting enough time with your partner or when you seem to be arguing a lot with your mate and want to try something new.

For more information on marriage and some of the challenges you may face, check out this video:

What is the 3-3-3 rule?

You may be confused and think that the 3×3 rule in marriage is related to the 333 dating rule. In fact, there is no commonly used dating rule called 333. However, there is a 333 rule that relates to lessening your anxiety.

The principle of this rule is when you are stressed. You should take some time to try to name three things you see, three things you hear, and three things you can touch. Taking a short break can bring you back into the present moment and ease anxious symptoms.

You can use many types of mindfulness exercises to help with this, which you can find online or by speaking with a therapist. Anytime you are interested in learning more about what is the 333 rule, you should consider talking to a counselor for the best advice.

5 Benefits of the 3×3 rule in marriage

If you are considering using the 3×3 rule for marriage, you may want to be aware of some of the benefits you can look forward to.

1. Helps to develop a routine

One way that the 3×3 rule can help you is because you may start to develop a new routine. When a couple has kids, they may get into a groove where they don’t have much time for themselves or each other.

However, once you utilize this rule, it can help you prioritize time together and time apart, where you can figure out how you want to budget the 3 hours. If you have never had this time to utilize it before, there may be so many things you can do that you haven’t considered.

2. Can improve your relationship

One very important aspect of a healthy relationship is being able to have different interests and be able to be apart sometimes. This is something that you should have in your marriage. When you don’t, it can lead to issues and arguments.

However, when you use the rule of 3 in marriage, you can alleviate this issue and have time to do your own thing. This may be quite important to you and help you relax and unwind at times.

3. Gives you a break

This rule may also help you get a much-needed break. For example, if you are the primary caregiver for your kids and don’t have a lot of time for yourself during the week, knowing that you have 3 hours a week to budget as your own may make a big difference.

You can take the time to take a long bath, watch your favorite show, or even take a nap. It is your time, and you can use it how you like. No one can tell you what to do.

4. Allow for alone time

Finding time to spend alone with your partner can also be game-changing. It can be difficult to stay intimate when you are unsure of when you can spend time with one another. However, once you know that there are 3 hours a week that you have alone with your partner, you will be able to start planning things.

You will be able to talk, go out to dinner, or even just sit around and stream a show or two. Again, what you do doesn’t matter since you are spending quality time together. This can help you remember what you like about one another and rekindle your spark.

5. Gives you time to hang out

Besides just hanging out with your partner, you can choose to hang out with your friends or your family. Your partner can do the same. It is possible that you have been missing them and haven’t been able to spend the time together that you wanted to.

While many people will likely come over and see you at your house, it can be quite different when the kids are around compared to when they are not.

Married couple cuddling to each other

How to tell if you need the 3×3 rule

Wondering if you can benefit from the 3×3 rule in marriage? Here are 5 ways to know for sure that it may be something that can help your relationship.

1. You feel like there’s too much to do

It is easy to become overwhelmed, especially if you work, cares for your kids, and do things around the house. You may feel like there is always something to do, and you will never get everything done. Even if you have help with child rearing and the housework, it is a lot of work.

However, when you are able to schedule time with your partner and time to yourself, this can help you manage these feelings so that you won’t feel as overwhelmed or overworked.

2. You are arguing more

When you feel like you are arguing more than you used to or you have trouble getting along with your mate, this is a reason that you may want to try the rule of a relationship. It is important to forgive people for your own mental health, but you may be unable to because you are stressed and don’t have the time to think about it.

However, when you are able to use the 3×3 rule in marriage, you may be able to work out your issues since you aren’t together all the time and have a minute to unwind and focus every now and then.

3. You want to relax

You may feel like you never have time to relax. It might be hard to sleep or even just rest, and you wish there were something you could do to change this. Scheduling time to yourself may be able to help you solve this problem since you will have time to relax when you need it.

Being able to relax may lessen anxiety and stress, which means it can benefit your overall wellness. Be sure to relax as much as possible, especially if you feel overworked or need time to remember who you are.

4. You want time to yourself

If you want time to yourself, this can also clue you into the fact that the 3×3 rule in marriage may be a good choice. If you do not have any time for yourself, it may make you feel like you are just a spouse and a parent, and you may need to remind yourself of who you are.

To do this, spend time with people who know and care about you. They should be able to help you remember who you were before you were married and had kids. Then you will be able to appreciate both versions of yourself.

5. Your relationship is suffering

A relationship can suffer if you and your partner are not spending enough time together. If you are spending no time together, this may be even more problematic. However, when you can schedule dates and quality time with one another, this can help you put the spark back in your relationship.

It can also help you stay intimate with your partner in a number of different ways. You can talk about this beforehand, so you can plan what you want to do together and make the most of your alone time.

Married couple sitting close to each other

5 Ways to implement the 3×3 rule in marriage

You may need to figure out a few things when you are working on this rule in your marriage. Here are a few tips to follow.

1. Figure out what works

When you are trying out this rule, it may be necessary to make changes until it feels right. This may include adding additional time, planning your events and dates in advance, or writing out information on a calendar.

You don’t want to end up double booking alone time for the same hour of the day. It can also help to know when you will need a babysitter.

You and your spouse can keep making slight changes together until the plan works effectively for both of you. This is something that will likely be able to be accomplished quickly.

2. Decide what you want to do

When you know you have free time during the week to do what you want, you can start thinking about how you want to spend your free time. This is also true for the time you will spend with your spouse.

Chances are, you don’t have a lot of quiet time together, so you can talk about what you want to do and how to accomplish these goals. It may be just as fun to plan the events as to take part in them.

3. Talk about rules and expectations

It would help if you also discuss your rules and expectations for using this rule in your relationship. This can help prevent any disagreements from popping up along the way. The idea is for you both to have time to spend with each other, which can be refreshing for your marriage and time apart, which can be great for your wellness.

As you put this rule in place, you may note other rules that can be effective. For instance, if taking the 3 hours at one time is becoming too difficult for the other person, you may need to decide that solo time must be less than 3-hour blocks.

4. Share the work

Something else that may help keep your relationship strong is to share the work with one another. You might be less likely to become frustrated with each other if you are sharing responsibilities when it comes to childcare and household chores.

You can decide together what each partner feels comfortable doing, so no one is doing everything. If they are, they may feel underappreciated and like they are putting in more effort. This can also cause them to feel like they are not satisfied in the relationship, which is likely something you want to avoid.

5. Keep communication clear

It can be a good idea to keep communication clear at all times. This should be the case when you are using this rule and throughout your entire relationship.

When you are able to talk to each other about what you want and what is missing, this could help you decide that you need quality time together and time apart sooner than if you aren’t speaking to one another.

You can also work on your communication through relationship counseling if this issue is difficult for both of you. A professional can help you learn more about communication with each other properly.


If you decide whether you would like to use the 3×3 rule in marriage, there can be a lot to consider. However, there are many different ways to know if this can help you, as well as providing multiple benefits and several ways to implement it into your marriage.

Feel free to do further research online or talk to a counselor for more information on how to proceed.